Thoughts

Not sure where to begin, my thoughts are all jumbled up right now.

Genetic tests results came back; they were not what we were hoping for. We passed on the gene to Emmaleigh, so any future pregnancies have a 50% chance of HPE happening again.

I thought I really wanted another baby. But I think what I really want is Emmaleigh back. Of course I know that's not going to happen. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about it.

We have various options, of course. We could be foster parents (not very high on the list), we could adopt (how are we going to afford that?), we could trust God and try again (which is easier said than done), or we could just be thankful for the precious gift we already have (Nate, or course!). So many couples would be thrilled with just one baby. I have to remind myself that there are women out there who have it harder than I do and I need to be thankful for what I have.

Nate is such a happy boy. He is so loved and I am so blessed to be his mommy. One of things I do now is to rock him to sleep. He never used to let me, but lately that's what he wants. He just lays his head on my shoulder as I rock him to sleep. It is those moments that I cherish. The temper tantrums and the whining will pass, but the sweet moments will pass soon too and I realize I need to focus on him and not on me. It is hard to watch my baby grow up. Kind of bittersweet in a way.

I have never experienced infertility problems. I don't even want to pretend that I know how that feels. But, I have experienced empty arms, and it breaks my heart that so many women suffer. One thing that Matt and I have been talking about is being a surrogate. There is nothing wrong with me physically, I can still have healthy pregnancies. I love being pregnant (which may sound weird). What better gift to give someone than the gift of life? The baby would not genetically be related to us at all, I would have to go through IVF. I know some are skeptical and don't think it's a good idea. But in the end, all that matters is what we think. I don't know if we will do it for sure. If we did, it wouldn't be right away. But I hope that if we do, we would have the support of our friends and family.

Burns Look-alike Meter

Well, I guess I've solved the debate once and for all:

MOMMY LOSES!

So sad, I really thought I would win. But apparently my son looks more like his father.

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Free family tree - Genealogy software

Trip to the Zoo

Yesterday we went to the NEW Zoo in Green Bay with Grandma. It was Family Day so everyone got in free (woohoo!). We had so much fun! But we couldn't stay very long because it was starting to rain. We saw lots of animals.


We saw lions...

and another lion...

I think this is a crane but I'm not sure...

A baby moose...

And a mommy moose!...

Nate looking at another moose...

And the monkeys!

Emmaleigh Ann

It has been 4 weeks since the passing our precious daughter Emmaleigh. She would have been 5 weeks old today. I thought I would take a moment to post some pictures of her.

At our 20 week ultrasound, our baby was diagnosed with Holoprosencephaly (HPE), which is a condition where the 2 lobes of the brain do not separate. We were told that this condition was not compatible with life. We were heartbroken. We were told that the specific type that she had was Semi-Lobar HPE, which is the middle of the three types. We were hopeful, as we had been in contact with many parents who have children with this specific type, that were doing well.

Emmaleigh was born on May 2, 2008, 8 days after her due date. She just didn't want to come into this world! She was 6 lbs 7.8 oz, and was 18.5 inches long. The next day, a CT scan came back with the diagnosis of Alobar HPE, which is the most severe type. Our hearts sank, because we knew what that meant. Most babies with this type usually do not even survive birth.

May 9, 2008, at the age of 7 days, Emmaleigh was born into heaven. She will always be our little angel.

View a slideshow of her pictures set to music at: http://www.photodex.com/sharing/viewshow.html?fl=2972707&alb=0

Trip to Grandma's House

During a recent trip to Grandma's, we had a lot of fun.



Nate enjoyed riding his tricycle. His legs are ALMOST long enough!

He also enjoyed going down the slide at Uncle Jason & Auntie Jess's house.

















He played with his cousins too, and had soo much fun with them!

I'm trying to figure out how to upload a video of them on the swings. I know how, but my file size is too large, so I have to figure out how to make it smaller...

Sick!

Today, I am sick. I think I might have the flu. Or food poisoning, I'm not sure. All I know is that it is NOT fun!

Alas, didn't do a whole lot today. I picked a bunch of junk off the living room floor, so we were able to vacuum. I also swept the kitchen floor today, woohoo! :)

Not much else happening. Matt took some new pics of Nate today, so when I get them uploaded I will post them here.

Cleaning!

I HATE cleaning! Alas, but it must be done eventually, lol. I cleaned the kitchen today. Tomorrow I must work in the living room. And eventually, I must tackle the 3rd bedroom. I suppose it must be done sooner or later. I mean, we've only been in this apartment for a year! :)

Nate was a very good boy today. He was mostly content to draw on construction paper in his high chair (with snacks, of course!), then he played in the living room. With Alvin and the Chipmucks too. :)

Boy, I am tired! Guess that's why I don't like to clean, lol!