Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Blah

I feel so tired. I do sleep, but it's obviously not very good sleep because I always wake up tired. I must be emotionally exhausted too.

I don't even know why I am writing this. I really don't have a whole lot to say.

I want another baby. We have to wait 3 months for the genetics test results to come back. Hopefully the cause was completely random. Otherwise, if it is genetic, then we will have a 50% chance of this happening again. And I can't do this all over again.

I know I should be thankful that I have at least one healthy child. And I am, don't get me wrong. But that fact alone does not take away the pain of losing a child, or even lessen it. I have had well-meaning people tell me, "Well at least you have a healthy son." "Well you are young, you can always have another one." Please don't tell me that. I already know that. I know they mean well, but really, it just makes me more upset.

I need to go eat a cookie.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Obituary

Emmaleigh Burns

APPLETON - Emmaleigh Ann Burns, infant daughter of Matthew and Teann (Yantis) Burns of Appleton, was born Friday, May 2, 2008, and went safely into Jesus' arms on Friday, May 9, 2008, surrounded by her loving parents.

Emmaleigh is survived by her parents; a brother, Nathaniel; grandparents, Patricia Yantis of Watertown, Michael Yantis of Marshalltown, Iowa, Kellie Burns of Oshkosh and Barry (Amy) Burns of Milwaukee; great-grandparents; aunts and uncles, Jason (Jessica) Yantis and their children, Ethan, Lily and Elodie, Kaitlynn Burns, Phillip Burns, Sarah Burns, and Jestine Langlas.

She was preceded in death by an uncle, Michael Burns.

Memorial services will be held at 10 a.m. Saturday at Calvary Baptist Church, 2101 Green Bay Road, Kaukauna, with Pastor Robert Spurgeon officiating.

Friends may call at the church from 9 a.m. Saturday until the time of the service.

Verkuilen Funeral Home & Cremation Services 101 Canal St. Little Chute

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Missing Emmaleigh

I miss my baby girl. I just want to hold her again. She had the softest skin, the most perfect little hands and feet, and the most beautiful dark hair. She felt so right in my arms. Now I feel empty.

Yesterday when we went to the mall, I saw a mom with her newborn baby girl. I felt so jealous when I saw them sitting there.

Yes, I have another child. But he will never replace the love I feel for Emmaleigh, or fill the hole that is in that part of my heart. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly. And it's not about loving one more than the other. It's just a different kind of love. They're both precious to me in their own special way.

I just miss her.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Picture slideshow

Here is the link to the slideshow of Emmaleigh. It has music too, so turn the sound up.

http://www.photodex.com/sharing/viewshow.html?fl=2972707&alb=0

Saturday, May 10, 2008

The hardest day of my life

Yesterday was the hardest day of my life. We took our precious Emmaleigh Ann off of life support. She passed away at 11:58 am.

We had a wonderful hour with her, without the tubes, just being able to look at her beautiful face and spend precious time with her.

I am just heartbroken. I love her so much. I know that love is letting go, but I still can't believe that we had to make that decision. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Thanks everyone, for all of your prayers and support. We appreciate it so much.

We had a photographer come yetsterday and took some pictures. Those are the only family pictures we will ever have. I will post some when we get them back.

What Makes A Mother

A mom on my support group sent me this poem. It describes exactly how I feel.

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say...

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok.
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson there is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Though some on Earth may not realize
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with me one day
and know you're the best one.