Blah

I feel so tired. I do sleep, but it's obviously not very good sleep because I always wake up tired. I must be emotionally exhausted too.

I don't even know why I am writing this. I really don't have a whole lot to say.

I want another baby. We have to wait 3 months for the genetics test results to come back. Hopefully the cause was completely random. Otherwise, if it is genetic, then we will have a 50% chance of this happening again. And I can't do this all over again.

I know I should be thankful that I have at least one healthy child. And I am, don't get me wrong. But that fact alone does not take away the pain of losing a child, or even lessen it. I have had well-meaning people tell me, "Well at least you have a healthy son." "Well you are young, you can always have another one." Please don't tell me that. I already know that. I know they mean well, but really, it just makes me more upset.

I need to go eat a cookie.